Thursday, May 19, 2011

Itching For Summer

If there is anyone out there, and by out there I mean anyone who cares to keep up with my blog, you will notice my blog theme is summer already. Yes I know, the insanity of this blog just keeps piling up. In my defense, I would like to say that time has been moving faster, so before you know it, my blog theme will be appropriate. Plus, the colors are really cool. I don't know what it is about primary colors that makes me want to be a kid again. The thought of arts and crafts run through my brain, along with a little shabby chic.
Summer also has a tendency to make bad news easier to bare, and hard times easier to cope with. There is a goldmine of entertainment for the kids, and you can bet your bottom dollar they sleep better in the summer time. When you have a mixture of exhaustion, dirt, sweat, and a hot bath; you're looking at the recipe for a coma at the end of the day. During colder months, I still try to get the boys outside, I also believe fresh air is a good sleep aid.
The only thing I have to remind myself during all of this summer fun, is to refrain from running right along with the kids. My energy level and ability to be a big kid is a curse and a blessing at the same time. I see a huge slide and I just have to go down it a few times. Not to mention, sometimes I have the urge to "save" my kids. My family and friends call it babying, but I call it saving my sanity. (what I have left anyway)
The only downside for me with going to the parks and outings, is watching my boys with other kids. The other kids kind of feel awkward about them after a while, and with that awkwardness, comes my sons nervous ticks. My eldest kid says phrases he hears on television, even if it has nothing to do with the situation. He also may began to talk to himself, out of nervousness, and make little hand gestures I can't explain. My second son's speech is not always comprehensible, so kids don't always understand him. He may began to pace and hum, do inappropriate interaction (poking other kids) and like to do things repetitively.
My youngest son is by far the worse for me to watch. The only thing he is interested in, when visiting the park, are the wood chips on the ground. He stands completely oblivious of anyone else's existence, and just watch the wood chips fall between his fingers. When I see him doing this, I take his hand and kind of guide him around the park for him to have fun. Where ever he is locked away in that brain of his, I just pray that someday he'll be let out. Because I have seen his charming personality. If he would just stay in our world long enough to understand vocabulary, and communicate, the more secure I would feel.
Every mother has a worse nightmare, my worse nightmare is not being able to care for my children. I am their interpreter and advocate, who's going to understand them when they do not comprehend things well? At this point, I can only leave it to my faith. There are sometimes when a person has to understand that they are not meant to fix everything, and in knowing that, need to accept things they can not fix. Sadly I am not there yet. That is advice I will gladly give, but can not take.
Insha Allah, (God willing) I will get that peace someday. But until then.... please feed the blogpets on the lower left hand side. ;-)

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