Ok; I admit it, I am a bad blogger. I have yet again neglected my blog. But in my defense I will say I have reasons; not excuses, but reasons. One reason is that my 4 year old Isma'eel has come to visit, Al-humdilullah. My loving child has come for the summer, and the adventure begins!. That's on a good note, on a bad note, my ex-husband had a stroke and has a blood clot on his brain. We've had our rough times and I've said some pretty mean things, but I really want him to be ok. I have been making du'ah (praying for his recovery)constantly.
It has been difficult to look at the children lately; seeing so much of him in their faces is taking it's toll. It's ironic that in my anger I have played this scene over and over in my head, and imagined myself not caring and thinking I would feel like he deserves it. But that's not what happened; not at all.I became overwhelmed with grief and shock, I could have surely passed out had it not been for my need for understanding.I realized I had a need for him to continue on living that I still have no full understanding of.
Life is quirky that way, the delicacy of it leaves you feeling like every breath could be your last, every harsh word may be your last. Sorry could come too late and your stuck with the thought that you never made things right.
I must admit, the visit of my sweet Isma'eel has made things easier to deal with, Al-Humdilullah. My boy sure is getting big, I have stopped the torment I have been doing to myself by letting loose. I have been trying to make everyday an adventure and have fun in every way I can imagine. The smiles of my children are my fuel that I need to try harder, and there is no favor of my lord that I will deny.