Sunday, June 6, 2010

Neglect

I am guilty of neglecting my blog and completely taking life a little too serious lately. I have let my down falls stand in the way of a "come up". I owe my self and my blog an apology....well sorry.

So, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I can now whine and complain about the fact that my 5 year old has been threatening to move in with his father. This of course would be fine if I felt his father truly had the time to deal with some of our sons issues. There are 13 children all together, and I am afraid that my son will "blend in with the crowd". I don't mean to make it seem as though I treat my son like an abnormal child, but he must be watched, and careful observation must be taken into consideration in dealing with him. I don't feel like it's a tall order, but I have a tendency to imagine all kinds of crazy things happening to my children when they are not in my care. There were times they would be playing quietly in their room, and the slightest yelp, and I am expecting to see blood.
What is with that?? Why do I feel a drop in my stomach and a pain in my chest each time I hear any loud noise?? Am I being overly dramatic? Of course these are just rhetorical questions from me wallowing in my own self pity. Oh whoa is me. I typically can't stand the thought of self loathing, it has never done anyone any good. It's like a tape worm, no matter how much you feed the ugly beast, you are slipping slowly away from being healthy. Or something like that; it's definitely something I have been working on for a very long time. My son telling me he wants to live with a father he's never lived with in the first place, kind of hurts, which I believe has nothing to do with my self loathing. It just doesn't feel good. Well I have a head ache and I am very tired, so I'll compensate and write early tomorrow. Insha Allah.

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