Ya Allah!! In a few hours my ex-husband will be here to pick up our son, insha Allah. I'm really not looking forward to this. I will more than likely slip into the whole "Failure as a mother" emotional self mutilation rant, but I should really keep a clear head. I've applied for online school for Abdur-Rahman, and I pray I can find reasonable schooling for myself online. I figure, insha Allah, if I keep my head together long enough to get the gears running on self betterment, I could have much more to offer him as a mother.
His father has so much more to offer him emotionally, religiously, and ethically. There is a two parent house there; an awesome step mother, masha Allah, and a brother and a sister. It is better for him there, now I just have to convince myself to accept it. Well, not much to write tonight; writers block.